Abstinence is Possible

I know that I haven’t posted for a couple of weeks now, but it hasn’t been because I didn’t want to. School has been heavy and the reading extreme, but I was looking on my blog and I saw a link to this one on CNN:




It is quite amazing that when someone agrees with the news that they give it high praise; while when it is contrasting to their view, it is something to attack.


So Palin’s daughter has stated that “abstinence is not realistic.” So I decided that I would discuss this a little from my perspective.


When I was a child, I accepted Christ as my Savior and wanted a pure life with my future wife. So I decided that abstinence was the way that I wanted to go. As I graduated High School I had achieved my goal and decided to go into the Military. I managed to make quite a few friends that helped me go to bars (the kind that clothes tends to disappear in) and drink and do all the things that I grew up believing to be contrary to what God had called me to do. However, I still maintained purity in sexual relationships with women that I had dated. Yes it was difficult and I lost a couple because of it. Then when I was around 25 years old I met a girl whom I loved very much and decided that she was the one for me. I thought it doesn’t really matter anymore because this is the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Besides I had waited 25 years and I was tired of waiting. Little did I know that shortly after we did “THE DEED” we broke up and my heart was broken. I had given up something that I could no longer give to my future wife. It was a few years later that I met my wife. 

When I met my wife, she told me that God had convicted her to, “Not date anyone that she had not known for at least a year.” Confusing me, especially in this day and age, but at the same time it intrigued me. We decided to be friends and to just do functions with mutual friends and eventually realized that what we were doing was courting. It became a conviction of ours that we would not even kiss until we had at least past that year mark.

Titus 2:11-15 (www.biblegateway.com)
11For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, 12instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age, 13looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus, 14who gave Himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed, and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds. 15These things speak and exhort and reprove with all authority Let no one disregard you.

One year after we met, we went on our first date. This was 4 months after I had asked her to marry me. It was quite a shock to people when we didn’t even kiss when I asked her to marry me. Now 4 months later we could date – according to her conviction, but we decided at this point we only had a couple more months before we would get married and decided that we wanted our first kiss to be at the alter. This is pretty extreme I know and very difficult at that. Either way we were able to go from the beginnings of our relationship to our marriage with a pure relationship. I have mistakes in my life, but I will never regret this decision and I have a true blessing in my wife.

Now we have been married for almost 7 years and I love her more today then yesterday. I did not think it possible, but it is. My point is that purity can be a choice but the road will be hard and it is also possible. Is it realistic, “Yes” and yes I messed up before my wife, but our relationship this time encouraged many people that it is possible! The question is then, “If it is possible, would it then be realistic?” Well that is something that you will have to decide, but either way “know that it is possible!”

Romans 13:11-14
11Do this, knowing the time, that it is already the hour for you to awaken from sleep; for now salvation is nearer to us than when we believed. 12The night is almost gone, and the day is near Therefore let us lay aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. 13Let us behave properly as in the day, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual promiscuity and sensuality, not in strife and jealousy. 14But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.


5 thoughts on “Abstinence is Possible

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  1. And boy did it get hard at times to not kiss, but we made other calls to protect ourself from even that temptation.
    We concluded every activity with prayer (an immediately convicting source of strength from God if we had made a poor decision that day). We hung out in groups and after dating was allowed, we remained in public places together. We would not touch each other in any way that made the other feel uncomfortable (and by that I’m talking, placing a hand on a bare knee). As it got closer to marraige, we had to get even more practical at times and wear a kiss guard (or base ball cap, lol). The question becomes, how far are you willing to go to remain pure and protect what you (and God) hold dear. Let me tell you, on our wedding day, it was absolutely worth the wait, and we haven’t missed a moment since!

    Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” – Mark 10:27 (NIV)

  2. It is funny. I was thinking about this on my way in to work this morning and thought, “It is amazing that for centuries that abstinence has been realistic, but in our day in age it is unrealistic.” Not to say that it didn’t happen in the past but it was looked on as being the norm. Whereas today sex is considered the norm.

    When people have sex their heart’s merge into one. That is why there is so much brokeness in the lives of people today. Those who have repeatedly given their heart out, have little left to give. No I don’t mean that they are heartless – There are people that have very big hearts that have gone through this – I simply mean that they have given a piece of themselves away that they will never get back.

    Thank God for the healer of a broken heart.

  3. I think the reason people think that abstinence isn’t possible is because they don’t know why they should abstain in the first place. This is true even for people who grew up in the church and went through youth group hearing “don’t have sex before marriage.” We know that God says in His Word to not have sex before marriage. In theory, this should be enough. But, especially in the world we live in today, no one really understands why He says it. It’s not until afterward when the experienced feelings of hurt, betrayal, etc and, sometimes, the contracted STD, make you realize that it’s not worth it. Sure, it feels good during, but after is when the trouble begins.

  4. A FUMC pastor once gave a great illustration of this. He compared sin to entering into snake’s cage. When a jail keeper enters the cage of a boa or other large snake, all is generally well. They are cautious, and keeping an eye on the snake. It is usually when the person attempts to leave the cage (and their guard is down), that the snake attacks. Sin is like that. We enter into it with cautian, and just when all appears to be going fine, consequances arise. And often, though those consequances are very hurtful to begin with, the person has been captured by the sin, and it is hard to go back. That is why there are so many people addicted to sex, drucks, alcohol, smoking, over eating, porn, gambling, lies, whatever the case may be. It is much easier not to open Pandora’s box to begin with, than it is to escape once it is open.

  5. Flatliners, a movie with Julia Roberts, Keifer Southerland, and some others really make the part clear about not having anything left of your heart! Also, we have a lack of patience which people want to use as an excuse-think about when the internet takes more than a few seconds to go to a different page.

    Jason just reminded me of Galatians 2:20 which says: “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” This is great because, like Jason said, it takes the pressure of me to do the things He asks us to do. He helps me do the right things. Abstinence is possible and realistic, what Sarah Palin’s daughter is saying is that it isn’t desirable to her because she doesn’t want to wait. It doesn’t mean anything to her. She wants what she wants now, not later. Waiting has no value to her.

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